nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
