where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
