He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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