love makes seman taste better
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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