I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
