He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
