If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
