Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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