He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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