Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
