If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
