well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
