just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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