Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
