Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
