note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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