I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
