In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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