You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
