Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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