You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize