mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
