Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
