So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
