Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
