I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
