he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
