laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
