You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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