I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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