How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
