Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
