Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
