I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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