the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
