Say something about gay babies.
we're making bets on your personal life
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
