it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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