I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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