Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
