my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
