gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
