My friends, they love my intelligence
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
