Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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