This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
