The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize