if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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