Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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