my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
