you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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