Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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