you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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