i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
