i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
