he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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