I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
