I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
