My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My vagina is officially offended.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
