I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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