tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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