The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
