I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Naked Twister starts at high noon
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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