That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your cock deserves a montage
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
