I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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