mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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