I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
